please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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