If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
