If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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