I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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