wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You can't just leave with hair like that
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
