he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Floor bacon is actually really good
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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