so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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