Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my sisters under your porch take her home
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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