dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
