the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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