My Higher Power is John Stamos
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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