I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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