we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
