Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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