I think i peed on brittanys purse
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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