I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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