We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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