we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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