I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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