Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
