Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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