3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
