i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
