I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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