i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
