**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
