I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
