He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I DEMAND FORESKIN
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
