You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
id be glad to
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
