i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
