if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize