At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
