omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
