Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
