if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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