from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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