Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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