totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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