the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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