More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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