if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
