Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
