What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
