I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
