well you can't waste a boner
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
