I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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