Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
