quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
