Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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