just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
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I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
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I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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