I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she smelled like a LAN party
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
