i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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