Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
