This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
