I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
