He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
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