whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
