I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize