I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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