I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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