what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
