peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
