You're a womanizer and a bitch.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
