Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
