you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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