theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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