I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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